Who's Reviews: Get Him to the Greek

A strange movie choice, you might say. Well, forced to choose Get Him to the Greek due to the fact that Lucifer and I missed the Prince of Persia session, we were slightly disappointed that we were not going to see chiseled, hairless Jake Gyllenhaal abs, but, rather, Russell Brand’s shock of hairy chest.

The movie is about Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) who is an English has-been rock star planning a comeback concert at the Greek Theatre in LA. Jonah Hill (the cute, chubby dude) plays Aaron Green who works for a record company and is responsible for getting Snow to the Greek Theatre in LA (hence the title of the movie). Of course, things do not run smoothly and in the process of getting Snow from London to LA via Las Vegas, hilarity ensues.

The movie opens with Aldous Snow’s video clip for African Child, a song which was named the 3^rd worst thing for African life (or something to that effect), losing only to “famine and war”. Yep. It’s bad. African stereotypes all round, truly nasty scenes (eg. Snow ‘giving birth’ to an African baby) and writhing, half-naked women galore. The rest of the movie is littered with references to today’s pop culture – there are cameos by Christina Aguilera, Mario Lopez, Pink, the list goes on.

Rose Byrne, plays Jackie Q, Snow’s former girlfriend and a big pop star in her own right. She is hilarious and also brings a bit of seriousness to the movie in the tokenistic ‘confrontation scene’ with Snow. The movie is also peppered with snippets of Jackie Q’s music videos which are hilarious tongue-in-cheek parodies of today’s sexed up female vocal artists.

But there are some truly hilarious moments. Diddy/Piddy/P. Diddy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs (or whatever you call him these days) plays Aaron’s boss, Sergio (weird name, huh?!). He is a diluted version of Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder (note to all: YouTube Les Grossman. You will thank me later). Sergio’s on-going joke about mind f-ing people is quite funny, but after seeing the beauty that is Les Grossman, no-one can ever quite match that performance and I got the feeling that Diddy based a lot of his performance on Grossman.

Another hilarious scene is where Aaron takes a “Jeffrey” – a delightful concoction of every illicit drug known to man (coke, heroin, speed, weed etc). He goes MENTAL and let’s just say in the midst of the chaos, people stroke furry walls, someone gets whacked with a guitar, Aaron gets raped by an over-eager Pussycat Doll-wannabe and Sergio gets hit by a car.

Of course, there are the terrible, terrible cringe-worthy moments. For example, in one scene, Aldous Snow insists that Aaron hide a small bag of heroin in a very private place as they are going through airport security. The movie does not shy away from tasteless laughs such as this. There is another scene so contrived that I spent the whole time cringing and that is where Aaron’s girlfriend, Daphne, insists that she, Aaron and Snow have a… threesome. And. It. Actually. Happens. AWKWARD!

There is no denying that Get Him to the Greek is crass, overtly sexual and in-your-face. But Lucifer and I were surprisingly touched by the vulnerability Russell Brand managed to show towards the end of the movie – underneath all that hair is a truly sweet person (when he is sober) who is emotionally quite fragile. That aspect made the movie a little more enjoyable.

Get Him to the Greek gets a 6/10 from me, 6.5/10 from Lucifer. But for being surprisingly emotional and touching, and if we’re nicer, it’d be a 7/10.

~ Hurley Who?

"I'm a serious person."

To continue in the recent vein of intellectual 'deepness' eighthst has seem to struck upon, it was good to see the sombre piece on Ayaan Hirsi Ali in this weekend's Spectrum, albeit obscurely couched on page 39 and not even a mention on the front page (much as I love Sia).

Hirsi Ali is, amongst other things, an anti-Islam intellectual, former Muslim and Dutch MP, Somali immigrant who fled from an arranged marriage and victim of 'female circumcision'. What I found striking was her perceived right-wing attacks on the Islamic religion and how it is "not compatible with the modern Westernised way of living". Hirsi Ali does not shy away from words such as "backward" and "terrible" to describe her focused scrutiny on the values of the Koran and Islam, and its treatment of women. Is she qualified, justified in making such statements, especially when there are women within Islam who may agree with her views of the oppressive nature of their faith (although once again, there are many who say they are empowered, etc.)?

Ayaan Hirsi Ali in action

Criticism of religion in any form or shape, of course, should be delivered with backing from research, evidence, and so on if it is to carry any meaningful weight and be validated by others. Otherwise it more or less comes off as arbitrary hate-speech. As Hirsi Ali mentioned, there are plenty of those who dismiss Christianity and religion in general, most notably the ever-vocal Richard Dawkins. But despite the Western world being left in the wake of an essential fear and distrust of the Islamic religion, why has there been such limited criticism of its fundamental teachings, as there have been with Christianity?

Is it mostly the fear of being labelled racist or bigoted or close-minded in some way or other? Is it the political correctness which dictates that one can only pick apart what one has created - ie. the West has no right, no entitlement to examine the flaws of the Middle East? Is it the fear of retaliation, reprisals, greater rifts between the two societies?

Hirsi Ali asks "Why are Muslims so hypersensitive to criticism and why don't they do anything with it except to respond by denying it or playing the victim?" She goes on to suggest that it is due to the religion's "gradual indoctrination". But is this not similar to the way other faiths are instilled into their believers? Is it only Christians who "just shrug their shoulders and don't respond"?

I am no scholar in either religion, as a general opponent to religion itself as a concept. Perhaps my entire argument would be more qualified if it were (perhaps I shall revisit this in several decades time).

See her full and (very interesting!) interview here:
http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/books/a-clash-of-civilisations-20100618-ym9d.html

[discoread]

loop stations

One of my all time favourites:





Definitely did not expect this on 'Good News Week':




Mr. Percival's stuff too, no decent videos unfortunately.




And now to a genre entirely foreign to this blog:





There's a lot more shameful rap from where that came from, so I'll keep the rest to myself. Except for this one, it just never gets old:







- no name -

Something not as deep & meaningful

So, I feel that I must enlighten Eighth St Laundry clients with some information that is utterly ground-breaking. Whether you may bring cheap laundry or opt-in to services offered by the much more elusive 'drycleaners' in town, the distinctions between the three main Dolce and Gabbana lines is something that is often misunderstood.

It shatters my heart. (For those with a broken sarcasmometer, it doesn't really.)

Dolce and Gabbana, with creative direction from Domencio Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, is a fashion label that produces three lines of clothing for women. In order of the least to most expensive:

1. D&G - The plain black 'D&G' logo on a white background shows that the clothes produced are more likely to be what we consider as being 'casual' and/or wearable. For example, denim, T-shirts and plain short skirts are made under this line. They do have a D&G runway collection, which tends to be on the crazy side of wearable, but none-the-less, is still considered to be towards the 'wearable' end of runway standards.

2. Dolce & Gabbana, white label - The plain black 'Dolce & Gabbana' logo (text as is) on a white background indicates that the clothes are generally more expensive than D&G clothing, though it really produces the widest range of clothes. FYI, Madonna is one of the faces of their most recent campaigns at the moment. Whether or not I think this is a good idea is irrelevant, but I'll leave the judging up to you.

3. Dolce & Gabbana, black label - The white 'Dolce & Gabbana' logo on a black background is only tagged onto the most exclusive garments that the label produces, being the ones showcased by the stick-thin & ideally genetically-blessed on runways.

So take a look at some (black label) Dolce & Gabbana, FW10. Not their most recent of collections, but still relevant to the season we're going through here downunder.

So now I hope you understand that there are three main lines stocked by Dolce and Gabbana, being D&G, white label Dolce & Gabbana, and black label Dolce & Gabbana.

Have a nice day Eighth St Laundry-ers, & while you're at it, why not check out some of Count Lucifer's poetry picks of the day, and Cake Crusader's lovely avo-choco mousse?

~Louis Tiffon

A Selection of Poems

I Have News for You
By Tony Hoagland

(first read at Academic, Hopeful)

There are people who do not see a broken playground swing

as a symbol of ruined childhood

and there are people who don't interpret the behavior
of a fly in a motel room as a mocking representation of their thought process.

There are people who don't walk past an empty swimming pool
and think about past pleasures unrecoverable

and then stand there blocking the sidewalk for other pedestrians.
I have read about a town somewhere in California where human beings

do not send their sinuous feeder roots
deep into the potting soil of others' emotional lives

as if they were greedy six-year-olds
sucking the last half-inch of milkshake up through a noisy straw;

and other persons in the Midwest who can kiss without
debating the imperialist baggage of heterosexuality.

Do you see that creamy, lemon-yellow moon?
There are some people, unlike me and you,

who do not yearn after fame or love or quantities of money as
unattainable as that moon;
thus, they do not laterhave to waste more time
defaming the object of their former ardor.

Or consequently run and crucify themselves
in some solitary midnight Starbucks Golgotha.

I have news for you—
there are people who get up in the morning and cross a room

and open a window to let the sweet breeze in
and let it touch them all over their faces and bodies.

[Unincorporated Persons in the Late Honda Dynasty, published by Graywolf Press.]



High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

RCAF Pilot John Gillespie Magee, Jr. (June 9, 1922 – December 11, 1941). Written a few months before his death. aged 19.

"Up, up the long delirious, burning blue"

Sylvia Plath “The Night Dances”

A smile fell in the grass.
Irretrievable!

And how will your night dances
Lose themselves. In mathematics?

Such pure leaps and spirals ----
Surely they travel

The world forever, I shall not entirely
Sit emptied of beauties, the gift

Of your small breath, the drenched grass
Smell of your sleeps, lilies, lilies.

Their flesh bears no relation.
Cold folds of ego, the calla,

And the tiger, embellishing itself ----
Spots, and a spread of hot petals.

The comets
Have such a space to cross,

Such coldness, forgetfulness.
So your gestures flake off ----

Warm and human, then their pink light
Bleeding and peeling

Through the black amnesias of heaven.
Why am I given

These lamps, these planets
Falling like blessings, like flakes

Six sided, white
On my eyes, my lips, my hair

Touching and melting.
Nowhere.

c.l.

Avocado Chocolate Mousse

Ages and ages ago, Skye (who is now gone!) made an avocado chocolate mousse on Masterchef. And of course me being me, immediately decided I had to make it. So a couple of days ago, I finally got around to making it. It's taken me a while, considering we are now down to the top 10 contestants, and this mousse popped up during the qualifying rounds. But nonetheless, the mere sound of it is so weird that I thought it would be something worth blogging about :)

Basically it's a vegan chocolate mousse. So there's no cream or eggs or *shock! horror!* chocolate. Well sort of... there's cocoa powder. The cream and eggs are replaced with avocado. It's also really really easy to make. Much easier than a normal mousse.

Here are the ingredients: (I know, I couldn't resist)

- 4 avocados
- 1 cup cocoa powder
- 1 cup syrup (eg. maple syrup - I just used normal syrup)
- 1 tsp vanilla

And then you chuck it all in a food processor... yum!

Pulse it till it's smooth...

And voila!

As I said, it's super duper easy, involves no cooking whatsoever, and took me maybe 20ish minutes, and only because I was taking photos at the same time (much to my mother's chagrin).

So how did it taste? Ahem, let me put on my Matt Preston cravat for a moment. It has a very creamy texture but is very, and I mean very, dense. It's very rich, very chocolate-y but not in the way you expect it to be. The cocoa powder is raw so it leaves an almost dry sensation in your mouth despite the creaminess of the avocado and being raw, the chocolate taste is very different to the not-so-vegan chocolate we're used to. One of the good things about it is that it's not very sweet, and you can adjust the syrup to your liking. I started with a little less than a cup, but I reckon I ended up putting it all in. However you can't eat too much at once, and coming from me that's a big thing to say. Because it's so dense, not light like normal mousse, it's very filling and the chocolate is very strong.

All up? I like it. It's a little weird, but it's entertaining. And it's healthy! Okay, okay, Her-cules, there's lots of fat in avocado and a whole cup of syrup! But I think relatively, it is pretty healthy. My brother didn't like it though - the raw cocoa taste was too dry for him and it didn't taste like chocolate, which it doesn't. I also took it to uni for some mass taste-testing, and pretty much everyone liked it - M*A*S*H, Jester and Lizzie all really liked it! So if you're thinking of taking a spin on the vego-side, it's nice to know you won't miss out on chocolate mousse! Woopee!

As for the next Masterchef, experiment... I just finished the Blackforest Cake at 11pm last night for my mother's birthday. Literally the most difficult cake I have ever attempted. But just for the blog, watch out for 5 minute chocolate cake in a mug!

c.c.

Gender bender.

Was in the car last night, it was about 10pm, I was listening to a random am radio station and "Something" by The Beatles came on. And after a while it crossfaded into Shirley Bassey's cover of that exact song. Other than a rather exciting novelty, hearing the songs back to back jumped out at me for another reason - that is, Shirley Bassey's gender switching i.e. singing: "something in the way he moves", rather than the way she moves.

Now it ain't like this is uncommon. It happens all the time and the reasons to do this are really quite clear and quite understandable. "I'm a straight female who'd much rather sing about a man, thank you." And if applicable: "I'm Shirley Bassey and I can do whatever the hell I want."

But the reason it jumps out at me is because I've been listening to quite a bit of new musical theatre on the interweb lately ... and a lot of songs, love songs that is, change hands quite frequently from male singer to female singer and back again. Difference is, with each transaction, the lyrics don't change according to and regardless of gender.

WHA!? You say, a song originally sung by a man to a woman is being sung by a woman to a woman!?

Er, yes...?

I put it down to two things: 1) it's theatre, you're acting, we get it. Pop audiences assume songs are autobiographical. And even when a singer hasn't written the song - he or she chose it because it means something to him or her. Whatever that means. Also, in theatre circles, the lyricist > the singer. "Sing my words or go home... (betch!)".

...which quite nicely leads to 2) the strength of the gay community within "Broadway World". No matter who you're singing to even if you're professing your love to a member of both two sexes within the one night in song, no one is going to bat an eyelid. And if we're being serious, when a man sings about another man, there's a big chance he chose to do it for the same reasons Shirley Bassey wanted to sing about the way he moves.

Titus gets an A+++ for acting on this one. The gender non-switching thing doesn’t happen until 1:07 and then again at about 2:15. The references are scarce, but you register them... and then you start to imagine with this added detail what heck kind of a relationship this guy’s got himself into.

Same goes for this next one. It only happens ONCE at 2:40, he sings “Smelling boy in that empty twin bed”. This video’s phenomenal, may I add. If you’re a fan of Imogen Heap, look out for the influences – especially at 2:50. Watch it. Watch it NOW.

All the above examples are of songs which were originally written for a heterosexual context and have been re-arranged/transposed to be sung by the opposite gender – just randomly. Or maybe not so randomly. Homosexual songs will make some sort of impression on the countless billions who’ve been living on girl-boy, boy-girl songs for generations. Which I’m guessing is everyone. It’s just another way of saying to everyone that gay is normal and I can sing whatever the hell I like without having to change the lyrics.

I said before that switching gender pronouns wasn’t uncommon, but the same can be said for not switching gender pronouns. Think folk songs for girls sung by girls (see Cara Dillon’s “Black is the Colour”) or choral pieces where the entire SATB choir has to sing to one gender.

Ok, so I don’t have a big message about anything to do with music, theatre, society or culture. I just hope that one day when I sing “Lisa” in public – (which I will, you watch!) – I don’t get weird looks from old timers from the Shirley Bassey days. I think I’ll leave you now with a song which wasn’t transplanted from one sex to the other but was actually written as a duet between two homosexual male characters. Let’s hope you don’t die of squeeeee.

---Pâte Brisée